Play My Cards Right

Over the last week I’ve been slowly assembling the ingredients to create these Blueberry-and-Cream cookies from Momofuku Milkbar.  We ended up using some incredibly sweet dried blueberries I picked up at Costco.  I should have gone for unsweetened because they were practically Mike & Ikes they were so sweet and chewy.  We also had to pick up some powdered milk for the “Milk Crumbs,” and I ended up buying a huge box of the stuff which I will likely never use again.  We also ran out of parchment paper and I substituted corn syrup for glucose.  Overall they came out pretty well, but they’re also a bit burnt due to the lack of parchment paper.

Probably not worth the money I spent on them but it was a fun little experiment.

Milk Crumbs

Baking

Two Sticks of Butter, 1.5 cups of sugar

The Final Product

They gave me this drink they called a Mallorca Coffee, the waiter described it to me but I was not prepared for what I got:

Coffee
Kahlua
Bailey’s
Whipped Cream
Cinnamon

Delicious girl drinky goodness.  Screw their giant wine-list.

Also this came out for iPhone and iPod Touch today.  Buy it!

We went to Mallorca this evening to celebrate our anniversary/Valentine’s day, and while it was good enough, it had that vibe that a lot of older restaurants that have had a good reputation for a long time do:  It was a dusty, dingy old place with mediocre food.

I’ve been to a bunch of these places around the city although they are by no means solely the domain of Pittsburgh.  The waitstaff is well dressed, usually in service tuxes.  They have a nice wine list and linens.  They have valet service and a coat check. You see a lot of young, inexperienced couples as well as handfuls of older locals who seem to know the staff.  The decor is wallpaper and painted wood, and in this case the paint was chipped.  Around the room lights had burned out and were not replaced. The hallway to the restrooms was filled with hardware and the men’s restroom itself had that vaguely damp, shiny painted floor and unkept toilets.

When our waiter rattled off a huge list of specials, we were intrigued.  Tons of seafood, wild boar, lamb shanks, duck.  I had the lamb shanks and Dawn the duck, and when it arrived it was…eh.  I’m not too well schooled in lamb but what I received was too fatty, not very well seasoned and just kind of blah.  The duck was ok.  Our salads were smothered in thousand island dressing, and I couldn’t shake the feeling that I was eating a Big Mac.  Sides came eventually and while the rice was good, the mixed vegetables seemed thrown together and old.  They also served homemade potato chips and they tasted fine but by the time they got to us they were soggy.  And why chips anyway?

Ultimately, it was a fine dinner, but I was struck by how restaurants of a certain vintage seem to fall into this trap where they stop caring about how the place looks or how food culture has changed and are content to do things as they always have.  They coast along on their reputation as the place literally falls apart and then one day the lights are out and the doors locked, as they’ve idled their way into oblivion.

Dawn and I dropped Max off with his grandma and headed out into the (south) hills.  Living in the city, we’re fortunate to be able visit restaurants and stores that either live in nice old storefronts or even their own buildings.   I haven’t fully formulated why yet, but I can not stand visiting restaurants in mini-malls, even if they’re pretty good.  Actually I have a few good ideas:  I moved to the city to live in the city, and I don’t really enjoy being in the suburbs.  Pittsburgh’s suburbs in particular seem so inhospitable to me.  There’s really no where to safely walk or bike, and as a result everyone drives everywhere.  Minimalls and “village” style shopping centers are everywhere, but they are so ugly.  All neon and backlight signage, parking lots, and overlit facades.

I’ve joked with my friends about how malls and big box stores are the shantytowns of the future, and to a degree I wonder if there isn’t some truth to that- what happens when those stores go out of business or decide its not profitable to have five giant shopping centers surrounding a dying city.  The thing is that even though a lot of minimalls are giving up their storefronts to pawn shops and check cashing fronts, there are also a number of genuinely good places to eat popping up in these otherwise barren symbols of lost prosperity.

Happily, Cucina Mendoza was one of them.   When we arrived it looked like so many storefront ethnic eateries- plastic chairs, fluorescent lighting, ugly tile floor.  Once we were seated we realized that they had set up a pretty nice bar, and our server quickly brought out homemade tortilla chips and fresh, delicious salsa.  When it comes to Mexican food, I really could care less about “authenticity.”  Authenticity at this point usually means strict adherence to old ideas that are no longer even relevant to the culture they’re derived- food for tourists.  I do however love a nice plate of beans and rice, some fresh salsa and something to put in a couple warm tortillas.  They got it good.

I ordered the “Reboz0″- a plate of meat, pork, chorizo, peppers, onions, mushrooms and pineapple with a generous helping of melted chihuahua cheese on top.  It was served with a few flour tortillas and an incredibly spicy salsa.  The inclusion of fresh vegetables and pineapples(!) was new to me as far as mexican goes and the whole dish was delicious. Dawn got some enchiladas and steak, which were also served with beans and another generous helping of fresh vegetables.

Afterwards we headed across the hills to another suburban ruin- Lebanon Church Road and the tusk of the Century III mall.  Delicious ice cream at Handel’s was had and at that point, we were ready to see our kid.  All in all, a nice, low key night out.

Being that I am slowly getting over the flu and Dawn and Max may well be on the precipice of infection, we decided to treat ourselves to some downright terrible food this evening.  And by treat ourselves I mean “cause bodily harm through eating this food.”

First up: BEER BRATS

As we obviously weren’t messing around the above Bob Evan’s Beer Brats are simmering in Pennsylvania’s Yuengling Genuine Draft with 1/4 stick of butter and a 1/4 of an onion- as per Chef Flay’s instruction.

Next up, the old secret recipe passed down through Dawn’s family for millenia:

PUKE DIP

Why yes, that is a can of Hormel chili mixed with a half cube of Velveeta.

If you enjoy dipping salty tortilla chips into a creamy, chunky salt-flavored faux-meat and cheese dip, this is most definitely your thing.  Personally I prefer a jar of Newman’s Own Black Bean and Corn mixed with the Velveeta, just for the political incorrectness of it all, but hey that’s just me.  Bon Appetit!

If you search around the web for homespun variations of the infamous Starbucks’ Cranberry Bliss Bar, you’ll undoubtedly find a number of attempts and “adaptations”- the term recipe bloggers use when they steal recipes outright and change a single measurement or whatever. No judgement though, I’m about to do the same.

Serious Eats posted this recipe which started off my search for the perfect fake, it’s adapted from Mr. Breakfast, who in turn received it from “Gerry.” The problem with this and many of the other variations I’ve found all seem to treat the “bar” component of the bliss bar as cake, where it seems to be more of a shortbread. My initial attempt tasted fine but was too heavily gingered and way too caky. The actual Starbucks’ bar is a thin sliver of deadly goodness.

With that attempt under my belt, I went ahead and pulled together a shortbread based Cranberry Bliss Bar recipe based on the following:

• MarthaStewart.com rhubarb shortbread bars for the “bar” (with a hint of Mr. Breakfast)
• Mr. Breakfast for the Frosting
• Remembered Cakespy for reminding me of the hint of lemon

The recipe follows:

CRANBERRY BLISS BARS ALA PLAY MY CARDS RIGHT

Ingredients for shortbread bar:

• 2 cups all-purpose flour
• 1 teaspoon baking powder
• 1/8 teaspoon salt
• 1/2 pound (2 sticks) unsalted, room temperature butter
• 2 large egg yolks
• 1 cup granulated sugar
• 1 teaspoon ground ginger (OPTIONAL)
• 1/4 cup minced dried cranberries
• 1/4 cup white chocolate coarsely chopped, or white chocolate chips
• 1/4 cup minced candied ginger

Personally, I found the ginger to be a bit much, so use as much as you desire, or as little.

Ingredients for frosting:

• 4 ounces softened cream cheese
• 1 and 1/2 cups powdered sugar
• 2 tablespoons softened butter
• 1 teaspoon vanilla
• 1/2 teaspoon lemon zest

Ingredients for garnish:

• 1/3 cup white chocolate (as above coarsely chopped or chips)
• 1/2 cup dried cranberries

GET TO WORK

1. Make the shortbread: In a medium bowl, whisk together flour, baking powder, and salt (and ginger, optionally). In the bowl of an electric mixer fitted with the paddle attachment, beat butter on high speed until pale and fluffy. Add egg yolks and sugar, and beat until sugar is dissolved and the mixture is light. Reduce mixer speed to low, and add the dry ingredients, mixing only until the ingredients are incorporated.

Turn the dough out onto a work surface and shape into a ball, wrap in plastic wrap and place in freezer until firm, about 30 minutes.

BAKE

Preheat oven to 350 degrees with rack in the center.  Remove dough from the freezer and pat it gently just to get it into the corners.  Bake until golden brown, about 40 minutes.  Cool to room temp either on a wire rack or in the fridge.

FROST AND GARNISH

When cake is cooled, mix all frosting ingredients together and spread a thin layer over the cake. Immediately sprinkle with the minced cranberries. Melt the white chocolate over the stove and in the microwave and drizzle it over the cake.  Make it messy, mix it up if you want.  Use more chocolate than I specify.  This stuff is good.

CUT LIKE A BARISTA

Slice the cake lengthwise through the middle. Slice the cake across the width three times making a total of eight rectangular slices. Slice each of those rectangles diagonally creating 16 triangular slices.

VIOLA. (pics forthcoming )

YOU WILL BE THE ENVY OF YOUR COMMUNITY WITH THESE BARS OR YOUR MONEY BACK.

Update:
I ate an actual Cranberry Bliss Bar today and mine taste nothing like it.  The bar was indeed cakie- like a cookie bar or something.  There were bits of fruit that didn’t taste like ginger to me that I suggested may be candied lemon or orange peels but Dawn felt it was lemon zest.  There was definitely a citrusy vibe happening.  The white chocolate chunks were plentiful and the ginger taste was near-zero.  I still love this recipe, its just not really identical.

oh’s!, originally uploaded by hetty_bembler.

Let’s dive a little deeper into the role of routine on the road to a healthier you.

I recently took a few days off of work to spend some much needed down time with my wife and generally relax over the Easter break. Additionally, the JCC has had some scheduled days off due to the Passover Holiday. The resulting complete breakdown of my workday/weekend schedule compromised my meal planning and consumption completely.

Beginning Friday, with the decision to go to the movies and go out to eat a little more frequently than we usually do, I ate. And ate and ate. I binged. I ate Chicago hot dogs and the frosting off the beater and all the Easter chocolate I could. Then I ate a half a donut. And more easter candy. Jelly beans, peanut butter meltaways, a chocolate mocha Terrine we made for Easter dessert. With more time on my hands then I new what to do with and a carb lust that seemed to increase with every morsel, I simply could not stop myself from eating.

Now part of this, I admit, is that somewhere in the back of my mind I feel like I can justify the gluttony after dropping below 200lbs for the first time in over a decade. But another part of it is that without the routine of my workday-my planned moments of eating throughout the day as a break in the monotony of work itself- I had a really hard time sticking to what I know works. I just wanted something to do. And when you’re at home, even if you are keeping yourself busy, a little munch here and there can lead to a steady stream of eating crap. Suddenly I felt awful and had the kinds of stomach aches (and more) that prior to my weight loss were a routine themselves.

Bottom line: Maintaining a routine helps me (and maybe you) keep your goals in mind. Breaking this routine on occasion is a must, but never let your goals drop from sight.

Bottom line #2: Get the Easter Candy out of the Gods’ damn house.

Meanwhile, I’ve been doing 20 minutes of Yourself Fitness Yoga on the days I don’t go to the Gym before work. I also read that squats are as good or better for your abs than crunches, leg lifts and the like, so I’ve integrated three sets of low-weight squats into my routine. I screwed up my knee about 7 years ago doing squats with too much weight, so I’m going to take it extremely slow for now.

I have passed 50 pounds lost since January of this year. I now weigh less than I did at the end of 12th grade.

Observations:

• This has been incredibly hard and at the same time incredibly easy.
• By training myself to look forward to the leftovers I create by not eating traditional portions, I have drastically reduced the amount I eat, and the amount we spend on food.
• In general, I feel better than I have in a long time. This is psychological as much as it is physical- I love watching the fat melt off.
• Discipline is everything. This is the first time in my life, outside of when I was playing sports and competing for a spot on a team, that I have been able to routinize my working out and eating so effectively. I feel that if I stop I will quickly drop into bad habits, and this has become somewhat stressful
• I allow myself nights where my eating goes way over the top- candy, ice cream etc.
• Related to that, I do not deny myself any food; I simply minimize the amount of it I eat. A pint of Ben And Jerry’s consumed over two weeks is a treat every night and surprisingly easy to do with my weight loss goals in mind.
• While these changes have been easy/hard, thinking about eating takes up a considerable amount of my daily thought. I have not been as productive this season and I’m not sure how I feel about it.  Perhaps weight loss should be my only goal right now anyway.

I’m going to post some before/after images soon. I have about 20 more pounds to go. Things have slowed considerably since the beginning of March. A chronicle of every single thing I have eaten since January can be found at my PBT Spreadsheet.

I’ve lost 45 pounds.

I’m still pretty damn fat though.  Regardless, I have crossed the thin line between loose clothing and clown clothing.  I am going to have to bite the bullet and buy a few items.

I just threw out two months of dedicated mindful eating in a riotous bit Thin Mint consumption.

Evil, thy name is Girl Scouts.

I have to put a new hole in my belt. Literally.

Despite the occasional sugary setback, I have hit 20lbs lost.

600mg calcium tablet (1)
1000mg vitamin c tablet (1)
Red Juice Plus Pills (2)
Green Juice Plus Pills
Shot of Orange/Tangerine Juice (1)
Cup of Coffee (no cream, no sugar) (3)
Glass of Water (8)
1/4 Apple Cranberry Gorgonzola Salad
1/4 Chicken Cannelloni
Fried Chicken Breast (1/2)
Baby Carrots (8)
Birthday Cake (1/2)

For better or worse, I have rejoined the Blood Team. Once I get my spreadsheet set up I’ll be chronicling my eating habits there, rather than annoying everyone on my blog.

600mg calcium tablet (1)
1000mg vitamin c tablet (1)
Red Juice Plus Pills (2)
Green Juice Plus Pills (2)
Shot of Orange/Tangerine Juice (1)
Cup of Coffee (no cream, no sugar) (4)
Glass of Water (8)
3/8 Apple Cranberry Gorgonzola Salad
1/8 Garlic Bread
1/4 Chicken Cannelloni
Glass of Unsweetened Iced Tea (2)
Piece of Hershey’s Chocolate
Birthday cake (1/4)

Bowl of Frosted Wheats with 1 cup milk
Red Juice Plus Pills (2)
600mg calcium tablet (1)
1000mg vitamin c tablet (1)
Shot of Orange/Tangerine Juice (1)
Glass water (8)
Cup of Coffee (unsweetend, no sugar) (4)
Piece of Hoagie Roll
Lunch Meats from said hoagie roll
1/4 piece fried chicken breast
Birthday Cake (1.5) <- too much
Pizza Slice (2) <– too much
Bread stick (1) <– too much
Salad
Too much Saturday, but I’ve lost 19lbs. This is day 16.

600mg calcium tablet (1)
1000mg vitamin c tablet (1)
Red Juice Plus Pills (2)
Green Juice Plus Pills (2)
Shot of Orange/Tangerine Juice (1)
Cup of Coffee (no cream, no sugar) (3)
Glass of Water (8)
Salad w/ tomatoes, carrots, cucumber
1 slice each cheddar, provolone and deli turkey
Oatmeal Raisin Cookie (1)
Boca de Beppo:

• 1/4 Apple Cranberry Gorgonzola Salad
• 1/4 Garlic Bread
• 1/4 Chicken Cannelloni

Starbucks White Mocha (with whip, whole milk- I asked for non-fat, no-whip and they fucked it up as usual, so I cut my portion to 1/2)